she gave me a schnouzer then wanted to kiss while we were having sex...i had to puppy slap her nose. pick me up out front.
I am too pretty for them to be this angry at me.
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
I looked at my arm when I woke up..I guess after 8 tally marks I said fuck it and wrote "too much"
Don't judge me. He's really sexy for a 17 year old. We made nasty in the womens bathroom at the beach. Don't worry. I wore sandals in there.
None of that is ok.
Im holding a competition......who saw me last, and who knows how my nose got bruised? you earn points for answering either question. and for bringing me water.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
It was like the perfect storm of bad decisions.
You stole my camera, took a picture of yourself and said "that's beautiful, just as beautiful as our waitress".
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Seriously, it sounds like someone is torturing a dozen cats inside a Japanese techno club while a jamaican yells random hipster words through a megaphone.
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
Did April legit get married in a parking lot?
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