We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
Great. Don't do shady things like that ok?
But he was like 75 and lives right near mom and dad. Not a threat at all.
i am so fucked up that i think i'm playing snood in my head.
well..are you winning?
Realized I'm still to drunk to comprehend work emails. Marked them all as unread. Here's to responsible hang overs.
Well, that's a 3 inch weight lifted off of my vagina
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
You are like a vicious sex animal persistently seeking prey
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
Watching the wiggles while tripping on acid is the scariest fucking thing of all time
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
When he said he lived in a closet I thought he meant his room was really small or something... But he actually has a queen size mattress on the floor of his roomates walk-in closet.
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
just caught myself putting beer in the oven and pizza in the fridge. i should be a trainwreck by tonight.
Randomize
