I think about you every night.
I'm sorry.
you tried to clear everyones facebook status so that yours would be the only one on everyones home page
she insisted i was the anonymous guy on formspring that kept asking to bang her
Clearly I went along with it
His birthday is on fathers day. I know its a cruel coincedence but this is too funny to pass up.
You wouldn't let me clean the puke off your face because I'd mess up your cat whiskers. Now that's dedication.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I went up by the border of Canada. We took shrooms and went fishing...pretty sure we killed a dragon and ate it for dinner
Not sure if creeper guy is too drunk to talk or I'm too high to listen.
What eyeshadow color says "yes I am at the dentist, and yes I am hungover please don't judge my life choices"
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Remind me to talk to you about nipple clamps.
That awkward moment when the guy you were hitting on at the bar last night is a possible suspect in a murder case.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
Do you think it's illegal to drive without your pants on?
I’m lazy so obviously looking like a rotisserie chicken is my favourite position
Randomize
