I am I'm going to have heart failure he's peed on my life.
I called the bartender Mr. Intoxication last night. He thought it was funny until i threw up and blamed it on him
How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
You should just wear a sign that says "I like cheap Chinese food and anal"
I like taco bell too
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
yes he's amazing in bed. he made me like, black out. everything went black it was weird. so yes, i'd fuck him again. plus, he has every season of buffy on dvd
just cockblocked my boss's 17 year old son at the Christmas party
I feel like wearing underwear would just be poor planning
Bonus points if someone shits their pants. Only 1/2 bonus points if it's you
Bonus points are bonus points regardless
Russian roulette. Between salvia and weed. You in?
FUCK YOU MAN
He sent me a vid of himself jerking off. I hope his hands are the size of tennis rackets or it will be a very short date.
Look outside and see if the septic tank explodes when I flush this.
This is my gift to your gina
Jesus Christ. How the fuck do you not tell someone that your wife can see on the phone bill who you text and how many times ?
i have paint on my face i'm missing my earrings, there's a bag of rice in my room, and i have a purse full of monopoly pieces
Randomize
