His facebook profile says he's interested in men, but i'm choosing to ignore that
you guys are cousins why the FUCK are your pants off
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Just quiet vomiting, and in between heaves she mumbled "be the pro"
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
I'm pretty sure I have a cold now from having sex on the hood of my car in the rain. Worth it? Absolutely.
I never want to do this again, I'm going to chew off several fingers and apply for disability
We will go to karaoke
Okay, well, i'm covered in paint, haven't showered & have already been drinking, so if I fall on the floor in a blaze of depeche mode & beer tears, you can't pretend you don't know me
I walked into Anna's room this morning and she was like teary eyed, with pizza sauce all over the place
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
I should not be allowed to reproduce. The world doesn't need my sarcastic asshole demon spawn in child form
I feel like my vagina was just in a fistfight.
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
