Wow so rude I was trying to have an orgy later but whatever
I think having sex with you would be a great treat for us
you guys got to bein so kosher and go with the flow
He chugged from a bottle of wine and then we had pretend sex
How do you have pretend sex?
It was bad...so it was pretend
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
And I can taste the vodka through my ears. Good god.
The last thing I remember is singing hotel California with a hobo and asking every bald man I saw if I could touch his head.
Told the cab driver to take me to narnia last night. Turns out there's a bar called narnia on the south side of town. We are in business
I've been eating like all day, let me suffer my one 'Dear lord, I'm the size of a small whale. One that doesn't even need to find being killed by illegal whaling because I'm not even big enough to provide an decent blubber, but still big enough to be considered for a brief moment.' moment in peace.
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
Screaming "dámelo" at the bottle of scotch was definitely my best and worst moment of Cinco de Mayo 2015.
im questioning your sanity while also accepting your reality
Can you get winded from lip syncing? I don't know how Britney does it
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
