I'm not a real person
I'm sorry, everyone knows that
He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
we hooked up. but it was that weird mix of getting naked and watching Balto that made it so awesome.
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
pretty sure 5 days for a bachelor party in Vegas is too long when even the stripper giving me a lapdance says "wow that's a long time!"
Quick, I need a picture of your dick. Don't ask questions, just show me your genitals.
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
Well I've always wanted to get head while playing WoW...
K I'll do it, but mine is going to be WAY weirder. Your not allergic to shellfish, right?
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
