It's finally official that I am from Oklahoma. I'm currently sleeping with my ex-fling's brother.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
I just washed champagne and tuna off my body. I feel like that was a successful shower.
debating whether or not to save the package from my first plan b pill. it would be a nice addition to any baby book.
Well, let me tell you, it was the most vivid sex dream I've ever had. More so than the Paris Hilton one I had in 05. And about as weird.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
Why is there a frozen condom filled with water in my freezer?
Im the macgyver of cooling down beers. The toilet tank was blocked so I couldn't use it.....
Makes Sense, i generally dont want the same person two days in a row. Its like what i pick for supper, i like variety
Just saw an all male dolphin threesome from underwater viewing
You just kept yelling and saying, "IM NOT GOING TO STOP YELLING UNTIL YOU TAKE THAT SHOT"
I threw a beer bottle at the bartender and pissed myself. Somehow, I didn't get kicked out.
like, is this a date?? I'm sitting on his couch drinking a juice box while he makes taquitos in sweat pants
Welp, no use in crying over spilt milk. I can't unbang her.
Randomize
