fuck dude i blacked out on a tuesday. what am i doing with my life?
Winning.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
I think i lit a firework with a joint. happy birthday, america?
he fucked me so hard i could feel my pelvis shifting. like i legit feel more prepared for childirth now
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
What happens at the gay bar stays at the gay bar. Except that I sold my panties for $100. People should know that.
Do you know how hard it is to give a bj in your dead grandmothers car
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
Btw, how did you break into my room, and why did you decide that covering the mushrooms with a blanket was more secure than a lock on my door?
She said my penis was powerful and magnificent
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Whatever you wanna call it i just wanna get railed tonight
I think I am just gonna marry that lesbian. She is more of a respectful gentleman than any of the guys I've slept with.
The cat likes watching me spank Michael. I don’t know how to feel about this.
No but seriously. Just had a guy lean over and sniff my head like it was a freshly baked pie
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