My first STD was from a foam party
so went to the condom shack today. bought a condom that dresses up your dick in a suit...tomorrow im fucking in style
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
Hello Officers/Paramedics, judging by last night, my friend is dead. The money in his pockets is mine, he owed me. Please send me directions to whichever morgue/strip club for pick up.
Would your heart desire to drink copious amounts of alcohol tonight?
he made a bon jovi sex playlist and started crying when "i'll be there" came on... how was your night?
I think this bruise on my arm is actually an impression of your face
ted dressed as a cardinal led an expedition across campus. i felt like one of the 12 apostles.
He was so drunk and proud of his 6-month-gym-results he actually made me touch his whole naked body.
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Come over here. Bongs and porn. I found the promised land
Why did you buy a cock ring?
I’m going to propose to his penis
Randomize
