So I'm eating my burger minding my own business, when the guy next to me starts up a conversation. Seemed normal at first, stocks, bonds, etc...then he said...and I quote "I can push a bowling-ball up a flight of stairs with my tongue." As I awkwardly laughed he broke out "I bet you I could bite the head off of a rabbit."
you kept slapshing your drinks on people saying the power of christ compels you.
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
Please tell me that text was part of your elaborate Brett Favre costume; otherwise, dude, wtf?
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I can feel the fear and stress bubbling in my stomach. Or maybe that is the pregnancy.
It's like getting ready for my vaginas own execution
Daquari drive throughs 24 hours a day. LORD HAVE MERCY
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
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Don't wake me up to tell me to cook for you because you don't like taco meat.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
we're at the bar celebrating my ex bootycall getting his new gf pregnant... and me narrowly escaping a future as kitty foreman
I just want to see his penis in the light. Is that a crime?
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