All of his creepy stalker friends want you too
Disgusting. If I saw her naked my dick would pack up his balls and leave.
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
He said my labia gave my vagina a "cute personality"
The whiskey is fighting the tequila on who wants to be the one who end my night first.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
They're letting me teach a freshman-laden class now. This university needs better background checks.
Last comment. I know of no exercises, diets or practices out there to help keeping balls young and healthy. They simply succumb to gravity.
I just put Gatorade in my wine, cause electrolytes, you know.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
I went to an adult Halloween party last night dressed as Mrs. Doubtfire, but I woke up on a stranger's couch surrounded by sleeping children in karate gi's. And I accidentally flushed my granny wig mid-puke, so if they wake up I'm gonna have to convince them that I'm just a weird older man and not a terrible cross dresser.
How did you come to this point in your life?
Good bartenders.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
Joke’s on you. I got to talk to a furry about why nukes are bad and why musicals are good.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
Randomize
