I had to physically hold you down to stop you from going out the window naked. You put up quit the struggle.
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
like a dude with a badge in a golf cart is gunna do shit. Unless he has a tazer. Then it's fair game.
this just proves how much faith i have in "us".. what should we be for halloween..?
We took it as we must go to waffle house or else we will upset the gods.
As its breast cancer awareness month, I'm going to do my part by making everyone aware of my breasts
...and as she's going down on me I look at the speedo and I'm doing 15 under, with 6 cars tailgating me, and I know her parents saw her head pop up because they were the car right behind us.
You opened the door to your apartment and shrieked "THE CHAIR IS GONE!" then punted a bag of votive candles
No he can't come. I swear to gods he's "Why We Can't Have Nice Things" given physical form.
My joke about liking my coffee like I like my men IS ABOUT TO COME TRUE.
Girl. There is no more toilet paper. You should have seen the twerking I just did to shake the pee off.
You ripped the leaves off the top of a pineapple then rubbed the rough skin part all over your face saying "this is how you mate with other species"
I jerked off 12 hours ago exactly. I owe it to my penis to get laid.
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