She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
Sangria Sundays can't keep happening. Even my second grade students know I'm hungover. Benji even gave me his oreos its that bad
This drunk lesbian I just met keeps trying to shove sushi in my mouth. Help.
I kinda got drunk and threw my debit card into a bonfire so I don't have any money at the moment lol.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
What did we do lastnight that resulted in a $1,896 charge on my credit card with a $2,000 limit
Gave his drunk ass water, & he poured it on my shirt while saying "WET T-SHIRT CONTEST!" When reminded of it today he replied with, "at least you came in first place"
Hey do you remember me?
You were the giant banana I had sex with... how could i forget?
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
Randomize
