Hehe I wanna Australian kiss.. Its like a French kiss but down under ;)
yea ive hooked up with like half those guys
and i've hooked up with the other half...when our powers combine, we are captain slutbag
he just started chanting dark meat! dark meat! out of no where.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
Do you remember telling the Uber driver that "his cologne makes you want to bone"?
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
His pet bird was perched ON HIS DICK.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
Dude there's ten thousand dollars worth of damage to the kids house and three thousand in stolen property and his dog is missing he is pissed
If I give him back his dog do you think he'll invite me to the next party
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
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