they thought it would be fun to get out their yearbook and see who hooked up with the most guys..I won...I don't even go to the same school
Having sex with her is like doing taxes, Happens once a year and I usually end up paying.
Leaving ole miss girls house to go to the stripper girls house. Why did it take losing my job to start getting laid all the damn time?
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
The only way i can get arrested is public drunkenness or defacing a national monument. Trust me, i have already looked it up.
I don't know what to be prouder of: the fact that last night i was able to successfully find my way home from evanston with 3-d glasses on, or that i was able to make my way around my house in the dark with my pants around my ankles
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
As soon as he came we went to Dairy Queen. That drive through lady was very condescending about our "just fucked" ice cream.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
Now, one of you come feed me, the other read me my physics book...I'm too hungover for this shit...
best eviction party ever.
it wasn't an eviction party you asshole, you just happened to get yourself evicted during the party.
How much weight does it take to launch a cat using a trebuchet vs the tension required for a catapult?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
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