when I scratched it gently some sort of watery looking stuff came out...so then I just stopped thinknig about it.
So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
I'm driving behind a lime green VW that has "Seniors '10!" shoe polished on the rear window. i haven't even seen her yet, but I do have a boner.
Swear. I think after passing out in a community college parking lot I can safely nominate myself for the piece of shit of the year award
My new apartment is within walking distance of both the liquor store and the chinese buffet. This is either going to be my worst life choice ever or my best.
I'm really sorry we tried to have sex on top of you last night.
Things you owe me: a sober apology, $12, the removal of bbq sauce from my doorknob
I told her that I was going up to my room to lay in front of a fan without pants on, watching Avengers and she still wanted to get with me. I have to marry her.
Yesterday I dumped him, went out for my birthday, hooked up with someone else, and today he still fed my cat. Living with your ex ain't so bad . . .
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
That's crazy. Wow that lady must be fucked up
Yeah I hope she's okay.
I'm still going to fuck her husband but I do hope she's okay.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
Randomize
