I am apparently in rockville maryland. I just threw up my tater tots I had fro brunch in a safeway parking lot. Then ordered a pizza. Pepperoni and pineapple. I'm sitting in the parking lot, next to my barf, waiting for my pizza. WOOF. Someone just gave me an oxycontin tab. Can u come get me? I'm scared
She was drunk and kept trying to talk while I was in her mouth. It sounded like the teacher from a Charlie Brown cartoon!
I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
were doing shots for every snowflake that hits the ground
Dude. I tried to convince her to eat poprocks and give me a blowjob. It did not work out well.
You found Muppets From Space a little too intense, so you just sorta sat on the ground and stared at the wall plug for an hour and a half.
Found out that it IS actually possible to get road head from somebody in the back seat
how was it?
he was petting the bushes because they were "napkins"
she cut her forehead open playing a drunken game of pin the tail on the donkey and now she's having a panic attack.
I basically gave Miranda rights to the guy I hooked up with, jus so we were all clear what was happening
I'm honored that you could tear yourself away from your girlfriend's vagina long enough to text me.
I would never blame a unicorn for anything.....how dare you
ok first of all what the fuck
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
Randomize
