you didnt have any toilet paper so I just took a shower
You can now add 30,000 feet to the places where I have puked
I'm drunk and I'm watching it's Alwyas Sunny and eating candy. Even I am jealosu of my life
Ordered my mom Mother's Day flowers online and moved on to internet porn. Do you think this is some sort of Freudian slip?
I found her sitting in the shower having an argument with the dolphins on the shower curtain.
What was your penis's nickname in high school? Also, what was it's theme song?
I think she's going to be dangerous to drink with, but I'm ready for the adventure.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
i just smoked marajunia from a shotgun barrell. what have you done today?
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
Listen, you can either give me drugs or an orgasm. You decide.
Before making travel and hotel reservations to meet your "affair" for the first time, consult your menstrual calendar! $633 wasted!
Randomize
