Well I'm going to a gay club in my banana suit. You should come. My bro is going as a pirate. I don't know if there's a theme.
I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Hmm. I hear gunshots, car horns blaring, hear drunk white people screaming, and see about fifty status updates pertaining to the hawks. I guess they won.
I swear every time I make the effort to make my hair look nice, someone jizzes in it.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
yes he does come on. what guy wouldnt want his penis named after a dragon
My phone now knows what I type and it prompts me with frequently used words. And anytime I use "and" and hit the space key two of the words are "unicorn" and "sausage"
Woke up in my underwear and Christmas sweater. Only. Eggnog has won the battle but not the war.
Not my man #1 and if he likes it then he should put a title on it. Till then the gates of hell. Aka my vagina are open for entrance.
But I wanna cuddle and just put my hand awkwardly close to your penis area by accident and look at you
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
He changed the password on his Netflix account. The break up is official.
I walked in to you guys using a milk jug as a gravity bong
Surrounded by smaller versions of the same
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