Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
Can someone please explain to me why I woke up looking like Ziggy Stardust
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
it only took me 1 hour to write 8 pages. i'm never doing school work without adderall ever again.
Without me, you would never be able to say you partied with a midget!
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
Just ate tuna on a frozen waffle because we were out of bread.
This is why you don't have nice things.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Brah, we should get a "do not disturb sign"... I can't have people knocking on the door while I'm high, it fucks with me way too much.
I've spent so much time on tinder lately I just tried to left swipe an instagram photo of my neighbor
I swear to god, no guy has been as interested in sticking stuff up my butt as this girl
Randomize
