First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
i had the deer in headlights look when she walked in and i was digging in her hamper
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
At the hair cuttery. A father here with his daughter just answered his phone "ken's whorehouse"...Now I remember why I used to pay more for haircuts.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i went to toss her salad and she had a toilet paper clinger on one of the hairs
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
She definitely looked like a troll, but I had take one for the team. Or at least thats what I keep telling myself
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
So I peed on what I thought was a wall while in nashville come to find out while running from the cop it was just a dark tinted window and the while bar witnessed me peeing
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
How the fuck am I supposed to enjoy a third ice day from school if I only bought enough alcohol for 2?
I don't know, maybe act like an adult who teaches children for a living
It's like we're not even friends
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Would it be inappropriate to send a friend request to the sheriff that fingerprinted me last night???
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
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