trent lit his nipple on fire and said "i am the only highlander"
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
Just got walked in on during safety inspections
Think you passed?
i feel this will be the best possible way to start a friendship. By breaking into his house.
Then you better bring Starbucks and a box of condoms in the morning.
Oh shit. This is getting real.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
we found him passed out on the baseball field with two 40oz and wearing a tophat.
Where did he get the tophat?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
Just discovered evidence of drunken eBay bid. Drunk Mike did pretty good -- I'm getting a new sleeping bag.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
So in my DUI class I had to write down 3 people I'd call if I needed to talk and why...they all want to meet you now...
We have a shopping cart in our front lawn. Also Mickey D's breakfast?
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
If I wanna spend the whole night tied up and getting railed I'm allowed to do so
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