Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
New thing to add to the list of never wanted to talk about with my grandma: sweating in ur crouch and vag area
using my metrocard to split lines. it says optimism on the back. i am optimistic that you will appear at my door and help me finish all these drugs.
He gave Paula abdoul a run for her crazy
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
He carried around a bottle of jäger the whole night and when everyone thought the cops came, he started doing push ups in the middle of the floor cause he said it calmed him down.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
And then I realized my chick friends consist only of sober you, drunk you and hungover you
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
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