well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
he was actually really polite. he asked before he came on my chest because he "wasn't sure my stance on it".
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
I asked him why he was eating an entire can of refried beans, the only answer I got was "revenge"
i've created a new STD.
Made it just outside my dorm and yack on the front dirt. Wave to a dad thats staring, continue on my way.
I was too hungover to read the menu. I literally pointed at a picture of an advertisement and handed the cashier my card
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Fuck him and his perfect arms, huge penis and relentless ability to ignore me.
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
Randomize
