and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
Made out with me girlfriend while she was peeing. all time high, or all time low?
I still can't believe I found a dildo in my ceiling today.
Somewhere at this very moment, a group of drunk white girls are singing dont stop believing.
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
WHAT DO YOU MEAN I DIDN'T APOLOGIZE? THERE WAS A PEACE OFFERING MADE VIA TACO BELL.
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
I tried to walk home in my heels. And I fell into a snow bank. And then I cried and a policeman came up to me and said I can't sit in a snowbank and got me a cab. So maybe that's where I left my credit card. I remember the cop asking me if I was old enough to drink, too. OMG. How embarrassing. Pretty sure I told him to "leave me alone."
WHY THE FUCK DID I HAVE TO FALL IN LOVE WITH A CONVICT
I told him that we shouldn't complicate things. He responded with a dick pic.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
We ran out of toilet paper so Ive been using coffee filters
We damn well better have a snow day tomorrow. We just broke out the rum.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
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