I feel miserable, can't drink that much when I go out
We've been saying that since '98
I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
please keep texting me so i can pretend someone likes me
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
i can't remember the last friday i didn't spend in the foetal position
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Hey Kellie. Me putting. My face intebetaeen ut your boobs made my night
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
Like I cant decide if he's like autistic or something or just seriously cock blocks himself on purpose with this shit
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
I had 2 shots but she spilt one on me. Kinda mad but kinda grateful
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
Umm my dog ate your vibrator. Sorry 😬
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
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