New record: 45 minutes. Afterwards I played We Are The Champions while we cuddled.
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
I feel like dying is the new "adopt an african baby"
So i got in my car, the seats are leaned back, and soft soul music is playing. Wtf happened last night.
I think I actually have rug burn on my eye.
You missed practice last night. You owe at least 8 hours of liver sprints.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
After this weekend, it looks come this holiday season I'll be walking in a winter abortionland.
I ran into the kitchen halfway through hooking up cause I forgot I put the cookies on the oven too high. Came back and she was gone but the only thing I could think about was all the extra cookies I could eat now. Got through about 6 before I realized why she left.
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
Every FB picture she has looks like it's from the POV of the guy she's blowing
I got so drunk that I peed my bed...and all over him. The ironic thing is that he slept in his swimming trunks.
Can you please venmo me emergency money? i have no pants.
I complemented his smile, he sends me a dick pic. Seriously?
No. It's going to be "I'm mad that it took you so long to get over here" angry sex.
Randomize
