you know you should just kill yourself when you are helping your 16 year-old sister get ready for a date and you're going out to dinner with you parents..
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Missed another period
I almost hope you're pregnant, this is unfair.
Put a customer on hold today while I threw up. If I don't get employee of the month, I'm suing.
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
Can I tell you that I just incorporated the spice girls in my sexting and you not judge me
Idk I'm sorry it's weird to ask for testimonials on your penis
My brother and I have had one conversation in the past like 3 weeks and it was about what it would be like as a sentient butt plug
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
THIS THING HATES MY LIVER
I like to listen to classical music when I eat taco bell. I think it cancels out the aura of poverty and desperation.
I guess you could say that.. I mean, we did walk in on our DD doing a keg stand thru her ass.
If I slept with her my dick would come out glittery
coward.
Randomize
