just had a super intense, drunken debate about which blink182 member is the most fuckable. i got so mad i left the room. new low.
I plan on putting pajamas back on after I shower. Today is going to be awesome.
really keith? you showed me your dick and your not gonna text me back
Walked home this morning with my contacts in a shot glass.
First class.
Bad news. Pictures just stimulated my memory and i just realized the stripper I hooked up with this weekend tasted like pizza.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I'm mumbling to people and trying not to accidentally shit my pants
She tried to beat the waitress over the head with a bread stick because one of her martini olives was missing a pimento. All while screaming "IT'S GAMEDAY BITCH"
Olive Garden will never be the same.
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I bought more beer than I could carry and managed to fit it all in the fridge. It's an alcoholicmas miracle.
You act like tequila is some sort of sex juice
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
