the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
woke up to an unread text message i sent to myself: "brreakfdast..pork and ice cream."
before you smothered your pizza in mayo you blotted it with a napkin saying you were trying to watch your fat intake
I just got a Community College debit card in the mail. My failure has been materialized.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Um, so I couldn't say it in person, but if you find my underwear in your office. Sorry. I couldn't find them, so yea.
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
The only thing I regret was that he was wearing a scarf when we made out.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
I am literally drinking 7 day old water and looking for snacks in my room so I won't have to go in the hall and see roommate, because we accidentally banged last night. Please bring over some chicken and plan b.
Nice. The Governor's son bruised my vagina.
That's going to be the title of my memoir.
we could do so many fantastic illegal things together. sexually and otherwise.
I wish you could see all the crumbs in my bra....it looks like Hansel & Gretel got lost in my cleavage.
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
its 4am. iam sitting in the luggage car of the train eating beef jerkey. i feel like a hobo.
dont insult. no hobo is as pathetic as you.
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