Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I just snuked. Sneezed and puked
Hey man, did I leave the bottom drawer to my refrigerator that I had beer in at your house by any chance?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The crowning achievement of my weekend was hooking up with someone I'm at least facebook friends with.
right before he busted, he moaned the british are coming.
only on the fourth of july.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
okay - we take $20 and buy each other some 'drink till we puke' clothes from the thrift store.
is there any kind of "im boning my neighbor and he happens to be a manager at walmart" discount that our new relationship entitles me to??
I try not to have friends with attractive fathers, it only brings my morals down.
When the neighbors threatened to call the cops, he yelled at them that American laws didnt apply to him because he was Danish. He then sang his own version of "America fuck yeah" along to daft punk, then fell down the porch steps. Can we keep him?!?!
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
No. Not going out tonight. No. It's Tuesday. Xanax and Full House Tuesday.
Randomize