three guys just busted into my bio lecture, yelled "happy st. patrick's day!", downed jagerbombs, and left.
We met on a dual walk of shame. It has to be love, we can't let that go to waste. I want to tell our children that story.
90 In a 65. Talked my way out of it with the i have to poop story. i am the ticket jesus
if you wouldnt have been fucking me hard and crazy like that then my bed wouldn't have broke. you owe me 600.
so you admit it was good then??
DO NOT GO IN OUR BATHROOM. it cannot be unseen
Every time I walk onto campus my Saint Patrick's day scar starts to throb. I'm like a drunken accident prone Harry Potter
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
Well at least I still have a burrito in my pocket.
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
Here's to not getting arrested this year on thanksgiving again. Cheers bitches!
I'm honestly wondering if my vagina did something to offend the universe
Like tbh you're not doing anything that screams I'm drunk and yet nothing says I'm going to spend $30 on McDonalds and make out with a stranger like that picture
You took nana to a bar?!
she suggested it
I'm keeping him.
Sex was good?
I had to tap out three times. There aren't words for how much better than "good" that is.
Randomize
