I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
this one can actually spell my name, that's a shoe-in
Look I'm sorry I shaved your cat, but get over it.
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
Sex and the city 2 and twilight getting released in the same month. God hates mankind.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
All I want to do on Facebook today is comment on people I knew in high schools profile pictures and tell them how much uglier they are now.
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
DO YOU REALIZE HOW AWESOME MY GRANDMA WOULD BE IF SHE GOT HIGH
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
First thing I find in the car I just pick up from my grandpa? A discount card for the strip club down the road from his apartment. The force is still strong.
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
All I could think about while we were fucking was what Hogwarts house he would be in
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
Randomize
