For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
she asked me what the final straw was. i had to tell her i caught him jerking off to digimon porn. i don't know what i'm more upset by, that he was masturbating to cartoons, or that he was masturbating to sub-par cartoons
I don't care if its bassically 3rd world. A country without a drinking age is a country without a drinking age.
Why is everyone in the bowling alley looking at me like i'm a prostitute just because I have bunny ears on?
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I brought his matress to the living room we're laying on it listening to rick james drinking vodka
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
Just remember, Dont make worse choices than american flag pants to your own birthday party
He is always putting motivational shit on FB. So its like i know hes sad lonely and looking at internet porn. Break up winning
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
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was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
I wanted one last NYC adventure and I got it. Now I just have to figure out a polite way to wake up the pantless former stripper illegal Russian immigrant street violinist chick currently in a vodka coma in my bed.
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Donated a pint of blood at 6 and pub crawl started at 7. Thank your lucky stars I'm still alive today.
I JUST SNEEZED WITH A MOUTHFUL OF CHEWED UP CASHEWS AND THEY CAME OUT MY NOSE AND IT HURT AND NOW I HAVE A LITTLE NOSEBLEED
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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