Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
Sooo, drunk me had the sense of mind to write down everything that happened last night.....I bet you thought you'd get away with what you did to my parrot.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
He said I could liberate his beef and all I could think about was how I don't eat veal for political reasons.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
I asked this couple what they would like to drink and they leaned toward me eagerly and asked if we still have THE root beer ... Idk if this is code for please add cocaine to my drink
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
He found a way to charmingly ask me for a threesome and when I said no he made it sound like he was even happier. He's a fucking wizard
He can move his dick. Like on its own. WHY DID I NOT GIVE BLOWJOBS BEFORE?!
The only good thing about 2020 is that the hot flight attendant neighbors are using my pool a lot. If i can keep them from wandering into my Zoom meeting with my boss I’m golden
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