Have you finally orgasmed yet?
i am so afraid to go to the bathroom. i am afraid i am going to fall asleep on the toillet.
Special does not even begin to describe that text.
haha it staarrted out with just getting drunk then it turned into sports authority. So now im 4th or 5th in line and shit faced. Help me
I love your family. Oh. And on a completely unrelated note, I know where we can steal a dog.
So he ended up throwing a watermelon that he stole from the cafeteria saying "if i cant have it no one can" of the 5th floor.
I need to stop drinking and eating and start working out. I look like the lovechild of John Goodman and Jabba the Hutt.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
I need Mexican food. Like, I'd take it through a needle at this point. It's totally worth the track marks.
I have the WORST cramps EVER. I think this is gods way of saying 'you're welcome, last warning. stop being a slut.'
I think the cashier could tell I was sad. All I bought was penis shaped food and chocolate
COME AND FUCKING GET ME I AM IN SOME SORT OF JUNKYARD!!!
It was all good until his cat started licking my nipple along with him
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
You know that text I sent you last night at 2? That was 5 minutes before I ran face first into a wall of not okay
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