Update from family reunion: my aunt Janet once got her legs stuck behind her head. The fire department had to be called.
the guy working at the drive-thru just asked me if i wanna bang after he gets off work tonight.
given your current drought situation, im genuinely curious to know what your answer was
i told him maybe and gave him my number. sad? probably. but even if the sex is bad maybe i'll get a free burger out of it
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Apparently I climbed into a dryer last night and refused to leave... There are pictures to prove it
i wanna pet his head its so fluffy. were gonna open a petting zoo
When I was in the bathroom and wiped with a paper towel I found in the trashcan, I realized that this might be the reason I have a yeast infection.
just to let you know its hard to talk to your father while being fingered up against a car..
My face feels like its stuck between a ball sack and an asshole.
All I know is she walked in crying with a bag of limes and a bottle of tequila and has been locked in her room blasting lil wayne ever since.
The sense of comroderie I've built with my liver over the course of this semester is beautiful
Do you think blood ever gets sick of carrying all these drugs around?
Like, there are so many different things we make it do, and it just wants to settle down and be a one-drug fluid?
Stop reading WebMD high.
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
Because she seems like the type to give it up for a box of fruit rollups.
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
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