just passed a tour group on my way home. the guide actually said: 'and THAT kids is whats known as the walk of shame'
Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
other girls like to lick balls but none of them live for it like u do
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
Well, I woke up with a text message from my cab driver that said "I hope you're alive," so that's a good indicator of how I was acting last night.
keep an eye on me. i'm afraid that after a few more drinks i'll ask to borrow his wheelchair.
Did he make you just lay your head next to his cock and talk to it again?
Maybe one day we'll get unicorn butt tattoos together
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
i definitely signed you up to receive text message notifications from a jukebox last night. Not even sorry.
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
he's not even weird he's been offering me different drinks all night
oh i remember now hes the guy that liked when i peed on him
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
All I remember is being in the middle of the road puking and my bestfriend cheering me on from the passenger seat...
Randomize
