I hope you never procreate. Philly is already the ugliest city in the country.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
i dont need a football game to get drunk and yell at my tv
i saw his dick when we were four, so thats kind of ruined for me now
Biggest lesson I have learned in college: Drink if you are happy. Drink more if you aren't.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
i tried to climb in the window in the limo because i wanted the driver to take me to get noodles. ive reached a new level of fat kid
does the girl puking in my garbage belong to you?
Throwing up out both ends. This is not how I pictured adulthood.
If he can forgive your lousy blowjobs, you can ignore his terrible driving.
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
It wasn't my fault.
You let her suck your neck. Yes it was your fault.
He’s going to a lawnmower race. I got a Brazilian and he’s racing a lawnmower race. Pick me up. I’m not wasting this waxing on John Deer
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