the mole on his forehead could get me off better than his dick
please tell me you have proof of this
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
the dr. explained that the first big patch is called a herald patch since it's biggest. So his name is Harold the Patch.
Wow. You named your rash.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I started dry heaving in the middle of sex and she says "You moan funny."
whatever. i almost had sex in a car with someone passed out in the back seat. phone's not my biggest worry.
I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
I don't think you understand...I'm really good at getting drunk
After a beer I realize now I may have shared too much about my obsession with ghosts with my therapist this morning.
Why are you drunk at the library?
Why not?
I am drunk and aggressive about the olympixs
It's spelled Olympics
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
