It was still light ouot when we were walking up Pier Ave and she kept asking if she could suck my nipples.
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Thanks for stealing lime trees for me at 4:00 am. We're well on our way to having sustainable supplies for mojitos this summer.
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He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
I'm okay with corrupting his young mind.
Ew! He's just a child!
AND I'M GONNA SHOW HIM HOW TO MAKE ONE.
I may be bringing home two guys tonight. I'f they won't go for a double-team you can have the lanky one.
was it wrong to tell him he's welcome in my pants any time?
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My penis needs a shock collar
You told him about your cats? I told his friend to put his dick in my mouth, and you talked about cats!?
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
It threw me off a little. I had to take a moment and ask myself, "Is he really fingering me in his mom's kitchen while I eat a whopper?"
Hey do you care to explain why there are 3 empty pickle jars next to me when I woke up or do I even wanna know?
He's a wizard, there is no other explanation for how hard I came last night. None.
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