i feel like my eyelids need a kick stand.
all i remember is stealing his cheesepuffs and shaving my vagina in the hotel lobby
About to trim my pubes so if you decide to walk in, viewer discretion is advised.
I did, I'm just saying. Once the drinking starts my nipples are no longer my control.
Any man who has a face like that and a bike, deserves a vagina like yours permanently.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
Dude, get out of Andrea's vagina and call me back
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
Also, do you think i could get away with finishing my vodka cranberry from last night at work if i put orange juice in it? Serious question.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
Yeah I know my dick is weird, but I've surprisingly had a lot of fun with it.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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