I'm almost 25, which means I can ride with girls that have permits
Was going to watch Bolt. Fucked a stranger instead. Details later.
So you didn't like Bolt?
I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I'm crawling around naked in my room looking for my hairbrush. Just thought I'd put that image in your head.
Did you write your name in the dust on our toilet tank?
hey watch out, they threw flour on everyone who passed out at their party last year.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
No, absolutely not. If you see that cunt, throw confetti or eggs at her.
That's a pretty extreme jump from confetti to eggs
I gave you a piece of bread to sober you up. You wiped your face off with it and then gave it back to me.
Just checked my voicemails on the work phone on speaker. Thank you so much for the one of you screaming "COME FUCK ME NOWWWW!" my boss loved it ..
I really shouldn't be this use to hearing "YOURE THAT GIRL?!?!"
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
Ok, stop saying "youths." You're 23.
I know I drink too much cuz "ssssjllapph peneinssesss" automatically comes up in my phone now.
Randomize
