Hahaha, sighhhh...I texted him to no response. It's a shame, really...I would gladly exchange my body for pizza rills.
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
pretty sure that drunk girl we saw climbing the stairs is now DJing this club....
I'm deep cleaning my room right now. Not sure if it actually needs it or if I'm just trying to symbolically cleanse myself of the last 24 hours.
Her brother is definitely not gay. I hooked up with him when she was sleeping.
Ugh I hate you, and the responsible adult life I pretend to have during daylight hours
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
fuck that its my house. if i want to take 1 bite out of the chicken & leave the rest i fucking will. suck my dick
There's nothing more rewarding than telling you that I fucked your dad
Just witnessed some guy throw his fake eye at his dad's face. Actually, he whipped it at him.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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