Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
I'm in the library if you wanna come give me library head.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I wish I could tell you that the worst thing that happened last night was how he got thrown out of a stripclub for vomitting on the girl giving him a private lapdance. I wish I could tell you that and not be lying.
Slutty costumes are my most sacred holiday tradition! Wearing a not-slutty costume is like putting cheezwiz on a communion wafer.
if I see a bottle of vodka right now I'll probably throw up gum I swallowed when I was a kid
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
My breasts were aching with rage.
then she lifted her dress, tweaked her own nipples, and then ordered another round for everyone. this place is wild at 9pm.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
I hope every time you eat hashbrowns you think about me, the awesome sex we had and how great we could have been.
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