i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
I can practically hear my vag and my conscience fighting.
Shoot me. Guy hitting on me with a beaver on his head. Says it is his spirit animal.
had to go back to that apartment this morning to get my other boot. it was tacked to the wall
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
The bartender gave me the kids toys. Paddle ball & a gecko.
I have cobwebs on my vagina for halloween. And bats fly out when I open my legs.
Weed is now completely legal in Colorado and Washington. I repeat weed is now legal! I'm putting a deposit down on a house as we speak.
ROADTRIP.
They were so big her bra clasped in the front. Didn't even know those existed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
When Pitbull's songs sum up your life... you know it's time for some serious life changes.
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
Just did coke off my highschool yearbook. Not much has changed in 5 years.
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