can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
the tow truck driver and i bonded while discussing our experiences with four lokos
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
I think the multiple Sunday morning sirens outside my window are a plot by the cops to get back at me for the shit we pulled last night. Or I should move to a better area.
If the world would stop letting me feel invincible I would probably stop doing this shit.
I sat down next to him and my bra just unhooked itself
Sometimes I'm sad but then I realize that bagels.
After last night, I think I need a service animal to monitor the life choices I make when I'm inebriated. A monkey, or a clever dog. Or a really assertive parrot.
All I'm sayin is that I don't want to raise anything. Or deal with anything. Or having anything come out of my vagina. I mean, I don't think that's asking too much.
Watching Rudolph while stoned is practically a religious experience.
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
I think the God that I only kind of believe in, definitely hates me.
Sometimes I wish I could tell all my past/present hookups what the nicknames that my friends and I have assigned them.
He sent me the milestone first dick pic this morning, it looked like a baby's fist holding a tree trunk. I'm frightened and aroused in equal measure.
Randomize
