youre not allowed to be friends with girls ive double teamed. period.
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
I thought 4 percs were too many but I'm dumping Gogurt on apple pie and taking giant bong rips. This feels right.
Made dad pull of the highway twice on the way home so I could puke. Yeah i'd say we ended the semester well.
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
I'm bored enough im considering taking up his offer to turn me straight just to kill time until the lasagna is out of the oven
I can give you five reasons its your baby
and I can give you 10 reasons it's not, but I'm busy so I'll just go with you have the wrong number. And also I'm a straight girl.
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
I did all i could do but i woke up smelling like cigars and theres salsa all over my face
Wait, cocaine is okay but tanning isn't?
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
His condition for us having sex was that I wore my show boots. #equestrianproblems
Like, I just want a guy who will drop what he's doing to come touch my vagina whenever I want and to leave me the hell alone whenever I want. Is that SO MUCH TO ASK??
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
