i found her turbo button.....if you know what i mean.
No offense but you kinda look like a Jack Johnson fan in that pic
I'm at a party with that guy you made out with on new years. He remembers your name!
looking at that huge scar on my leg from when i got drunk at 9 AM and walked into a grill. so excited for football season to start again!
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
So I'm not dead, but close call. I think I can handle one more bar.
You went to the animal party as a hoodrat. You won the most creative costume contest.
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My mind just played a snippet of me asking to be a Joey and trying to climb into your apron pocket...
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
I'm just going to assume my unresponsive booty calls are just preparing for the women's march tomorrow
Dude, don't beat around the bush. We're fucked and you know it.
the good news is I finally used my captain america waffle maker to make captain america waffles
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