he keeps dipping things in ranch and feeding them to me
Tonight's Jeopardy categories were "Star Trek, Action Figures, Dinner For One, In Need of a Date, Still Living With Mom & Dad, You Have No Life." Beginning to think my life is the Truman Show.
you are getting stockholm syndrome from your pubes
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
the night probably should have been over when the guy let her fill out my mechanical bull waver for me because i couldn't read
I'd have paid money to see Cookie Monster playing with a vibrator
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
This is what happens when you leave: I get all vulnerable and I make out with the cowboy to shut him up about Jesus.
I feel horrible. I brought her to your house like a late night pizza delivery and dropped her off.
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
You know shit got weird when you watched another guy shove drugs up your wife's ass and it wasn't awkward for any of us....
It's a special kind of bond when your gay brother takes pics of you topless at a frat party.
I licked your asshole in confidence.
This drunk girl kept yelling for water so I dipped a cup in the toilet and gave it to her. She was thanking me all night.
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