If hangovers were people John Goodman would be living in my skull trying to eat the back of my eyes
i find it simply astounding you spelled drunken wrong but pterodactyl right
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
got so drunk i was kicked out of my own birthday party and tried taking a bottle of vodka with me
I never thought that taking apart multiple age 5 and under puzzles would be part of my house party clean up process.
Yeah, sorry about that. I just couldn't stop.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
What was the name of the cook I had sex with at Famous Dave's?
and he should realize what an amazing ex i am for encouraging my best friend to hook up with him
I misunderstood what a furry was. Come pick me up.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
And he came all over himself. At least he didn't ruin my new lulus.
Actually though that could've been bad.
I HAVE PIZZA MONEY AT ALL TIMES IT'S CALL EMERGENCY PLANNING
Me-World Problems: do I have my boyfriend come to my birthday party in drag, or is that too weird for the first time meeting literally any of my friends
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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