You work out of a Hotel?
my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
I used a bag of wine as a pillow last night.
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
So I was gonna stay in tonight but the president got me motivated! I will not quit. Bars here I come.
As soon as he lost the election, the reception's open bar became a cash bar. I have never been so disappointed in my countrymen.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I'm about to fuck a girl in an old school Tony Kukoc Bulls jersey. About to earn my third championship ring in sex
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
My mom is selling her car. I'm secretly relieved I won't ever have to tell her about that time you puked in it
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
I woke up and found my apartment really clean, appearantly drunk me couldn't tolerate living there anymore and left sober me a lot of insulting post-its...
I literally ended up in this basement and was tangoing w my friend and then I peed in a supply closet and had to be put to bed
Randomize
