I will be home in 10 min. Dont be beating off on the couch
enter at your own risk
I always feel awkward when im sitting at home watching the price is right and the fat contestant get the gym equipment.
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
If this herpes test comes back negative I'm asking out the doctor.
So i forgot that my head is completely wrapped in gauze, and tried to do the "come hither" look. He think's i'm brain damaged
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I didnt realize how badly my legs were scratched up from power-fucking him in the bushes until kate dumped a bottle of vodka on me. that shit burnedddd
Dude there is a stripper at my door saying she has my birthday present. She knows my name...but it's not my birthday...
God works in mysterious ways my friend.
bro i dont care how hot she was, you try keeping it up with the amount of puppet he had in her room, it was like fucking in jeff dunham's house
We were having margaritas and I was saying "back when I was drinking..." They looked all confused. Then I realized "holy shit they think THIS is drinking?"
Im so fucked up I'm drinking baileys and coffee just to stay awake.
It's 6 in the afternoon?
The REAL engagement ring is the jeweled butt plug.
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