i hope my daughter doesn't end up with cankles. no guy likes cankles.
It's not called being bisexual its called making out with anyone that has a mouth
I drunkenly sent a picture of my scrotum to the entire baseball team last night
So High I just made Cadbury Coffee. I don't know what it is yet, but it involves Cadbury Eggs and coffee.
I think one day, after evolution kicks in, my sons will thank me for having a 3rd ball. That's how much sex I'm having.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
I think I have vodka in my lungs
Ok... I'm a little jealous... Grab her pig tails and ride her like a jet ski. Making motor noises is optional.
He brought me bullshit flowers and a bullshit apology. Even shrek did more than that for Fiona. And he's an ogre. Does this not say anything about him?
So what kind of fun pills do we have for the amusement park tomorrow?
the amount of 23-year-old guys who have seen me naked is starting to get a little worrying
the sex got boring after the first three hours
holy shit
My life is pants optional.
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
