party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
god help us all. i just saw an infant wearing a onesie that said "i don't know who my daddy is"
Olympics start in one day, that gives us 24hrs to think of gold medal worthy drinking games
I've been living off of popsicles and broth.
Three guys came up to me at the bar and started dancing on me, while screaming "Johnson's girl." That's the last time I sleep with a freshmen.
at one point he couldn't find his underwear so he put on my catsuit to go to the bathroom
Why is there a condom in the dishwasher...
Secondly, that waffle is lost for good. I have no fucking idea where that bitch is
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Are you 5:30 blackout again?
He finger blasted me like an angel dude
YOu just turned down my vagina. Something must be wrong. Vegas changed you!
What's your fascination with fucking to the Lion King Soundtrack?
Randomize
