he thinks he's going to hurt your feelings
He can't hurt my feelings
I don't have feelings.
Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
I am not deleting the internet history anymore, now I am going for shock value.
My last memory involves me naked in a mens's bathroom stall. I really hope my date was with me.
yeah they are definitely having sex in that car. joe just yelled through the window telling them to do the "titanic hand print thing"
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
Nothing says thanksgiving like acid flashbacks
So I went tanning and I burned my boobs.
They're like sad pomegranates.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
You handed me your heels and said, "barefoot running is all the rage." Then you proceeded to run home.
Don't come in. My door to my bathroom won't close because of the table and I'm pooping
Classy
Randomize
