So I'm at planned parenthood and there are 5 people here from Friday's party.
just saw way to many penises for it being 5 o'clock on a thursday
Were playing beruit winners pelt losers with eggs
The background of my phone is you taped to the wall wearing a cowboy hat
Come down. Bring Jorts. We're getting ready for this tricycle race like champions.
Judging by my bruises, I know I took more than one tumble. I probably pulled u down w me, and then punched you in the knee. Been trying to find a place to fix my phone between naps today. Almost no place accepts hand js as currency these days. 2013 is gonna be expensive and whorey.
well at least you didn't have your nipples chewed last night
You called his parrot a seagull, a pigeon and a rat with wings, and told it to go eat Cheetos out of a dumpster.
if becoming an adult is chugging a bottle of wine in your bed and crying about your stresses while your dog watches you, sign me up
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
these past three weeks have been a real "fuck you" to my liver
I hit an all time low we ran out of coke and I met up with my dealer at 8 in the morning for a re-up. great customer service though.
He's asking how tall I am he wants to make a body suit out of me
Randomize
