Got separated, got a half bj, got dropped off in random part of the city, don't tell anyone
i just walked with a girl who was carrying a chair down the street. apparently she got mad at the bartender and took the bar stool when she left.
im poppin the ladies like they're bacne
this crazy girl in up in Dennys is going crazy because Bob Saget just texted her.
My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
You can kiss the security deposit goodbye after you and your boyfriend did donuts on his moped in the middle of the apartment. It was impressive since you were both too drunk to walk.
You threw your body across the gross couple hooking up on the couch and demanded they scratch your back. I love you drunk on peach schnapps
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Well, I sent nudes with an Elmo t shirt on the floor... so there's that.
A stripper choked me last night. Then I choked her. Now we're going on a date this Saturday.
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
THERE IS WATER LITERALLY DRIPPING OFF OF THE CHANDELIER. I OFFICIALLY HAVE THE WORLD'S WORST RAINFALL SHOWER HEAD.
Randomize
