Stuck behind a lady in her 70's purchasing a plastic handle of vodka and nothing else. She is writing a check. Hello future.
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
i need you to babysit me first week back at school. havent had tequila, adderal, or sex w randoms in 3 months
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
the threesome consisted of him fingering dana while i laid next to them watching how i met your mother.
i woke up with my wallet keys and phone missing and a treasure map to find them stapled to my shirt.
haha i know
Succesfully slept on the roof at work for 3.5 hours without getting caught. I need a promotion
I'm pretty sure they changed the plants at the grocery store because of us
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Package arrived for me from the gf while she's on vacation..under the bed bondage kit and new lingerie...my boner could drive to the airport
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Her new crush is a 6'2" guacamole baron that may also be a Jedi.
I sent him nudes while he is at work because I am an evil human being.
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