I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
the red, white, and blue power rangers were all also in the porn buisness, good bye childhood
Why does my right nut always hang lower than my left nut?
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Hey just wanted to let you know my nose is broken and I have a fractured wrist. I told you it wasn't a slip and slide.
Dude I didn't think you'd do it. I mean come on, who puts a slip and slide on their driveway?
Zip lining have a big frozedn drink with 151 rum chippendale pic life is GREAT
Alright fuck it. Alcoholic Jamie is back and here to stay.
He was just lying on my lap in the backseat screaming how if the cops came he was a blanket.
No padding. I spent my whole summer with my nips out. October don't need that too.
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
why isn't there a kind of gay where i let guys give me head but they don't expect me to give it back? i could be that kind of gay
He was that good?
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Just got thrown out of the club for making condom water balloons. I'm not ashamed.
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
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