it was 6 in the morning, and you cried until i put mulan in. then you proceeded to say every word, not to mention sing along... stop drinking.
all you kept yelling was "i'm bored and i'm sober"
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
Do you need a place to sleep? Cause I fucked in the guestroom a few weeks ago and never washed the sheets. But if you don't care neither do I.
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Bro I am trying to have one night stands nothing more, unless she is baking waffles I can eat out of her butthole I am not interested
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I just read "to infinity and beyond" as "to infidelity and beyond" something is seriously wrong with my psyche
You straight up wore me out. This should be a proud moment for you. It's almost like my penis is asking for a timeout. But not really
I'm keeping track of how many times I've said "Shhh, act like you're not naked." in my life. So far, 3 times.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
So now I can cross "have my ass be someone's phone background" off the bucket list. You know, if it was something I actually had wanted to happen.
I told her to to let go of her rationtal thoughts and just enjoy the fact that i was going down on her till she passed out from sheer orgasmic pleasure.
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
Randomize
